Monkeyshine
L. Edgar Otto 12 June, 2013
In the city of the slabs and sticks
rewinding time does scabs and tricks
Reverse the mirrors toward the dark
A Rose's thorns spew from a meadow lark
Side-winding splits the silver screen
But a jagged edge unheard a scream
Squeamish colors of love and blood
The sacred cow still chews its cud
Mud bubbles pop thru cracks and floats
Bursts on fire while shoving groats
Descend from silver to copper two pence
Moats of comfort's circle siege defense
The monkey shines a painted doll
Bubonic blemishes steeple tall
No gargoyle looking down to humble
Nor within a sting or honey bee bumble
Consuming flowers back to worlds under
Time river ball lightning jars but once its thunder
Iron to cap the drain of daily tides of sleeping
Strollers in the way beyond laughter and weeping
The virgin lost come childbirth deep the core
Molten lava crystal bond not lollipop lipstick gone before
Earth-shine seen in the hidden part of the eaten moon
Moonshine for the masses, mass-less gravity swoon
The monkey shines his beauty anti-hero anti-beast
Half the viewing as marble deserts fall to yeast
Belfry bats chase falling stones entangled fingers
Entangled hair but cannot bite the echo lingers
To spy on the imagined audience Frankenbolts romancing
Some higher sky as if the past alive in necromancing
All there colorized to nurse us in the black and white
Bask in the swirling rising hues or to flee or fight
* * * * *
I find your response fascinating both in terms of content and the structure you chose. The couplets work very well to emphasize each image but also as a unit, and the rhyme adds just that little finishing touch:
ReplyDeleteNo gargoyle looking down to humble
Nor within a sting or honey bee bumble
Consuming flowers back to worlds under
Time river ball lightning jars but once its thunder
Iron to cap the drain of daily tides of sleeping
Strollers in the way beyond laughter and weeping
No one would suspect how dark this was from the title. :) There are so many fantastic lines..."In the city of the slabs and sticks rewinding time does scabs and tricks" I love it from its beginning!
ReplyDeleteYou weren't the only one to see depth in the video clip, but you certainly seem to have seen the most. I can't decide which lines I like best, perhaps the first two, perhaps the last four...
ReplyDeleteWell done!
K
Love your couplet approach and the details you bring in in each bring your response such life...love your response!
ReplyDeleteGreetings! Thank you for being so bold as to be the first (but thankfully not the only) person to respond to my out of standard prompt. I am so glad to have this piece. I think you choose the perfect couplet structure to convey a twisted/ dark playful murkiness. Your word choice and imagery only heighten this.
ReplyDeleteSqueamish colors of love and blood
The sacred cow still chews its cud
Mud bubbles pop thru cracks and floats
Bursts on fire while shoving groats
captured the spirit of the clip very nicely, though my favorite couplet was the second to last because of the layers of rhyme and meaning. Thanks once again and Viva la
wow, very nice.
ReplyDeleteWow so dark and twisted.You went so deep, so many layers.loved it..
ReplyDeleteI find it most interesting how powerful to influence our writing and how we can bring to it such diverse, and deep, views. I cited this on a physics forum too as the core ideas seem to relate to our now changing world of new cosmology as well the age old questions. Yet in the end poetry is optimistic and uplifting, our true hearts that can pierce the darkness and reach out for others. The light in the main seems to win and persist. For me Art trumps science and artists can do no wrong. Lately in earlier old movies and television I have come to associate these deeper film makers with deeper themes that touch us to which so much today feels like shallow themes or issues. But this exploding technology pushes us as we catch up and as IBM ceo once said poetry is essential for their projects. I hope I did not cross up all the comments too much, this reminds me of a lot of homework. I thought today after learning to write on the fly what becomes so much easier... I could write one in advance to address one of your new projects to come as if it means something people meet or we build such links of the creative. Thank you all for the comments and treating kindly my warts and all.
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful, gets into its stride from the first couplet -- and then comes
ReplyDeleteReverse the mirrors toward the dark
A Rose's thorns spew from a meadow lark
Side-winding splits the silver screen
But a jagged edge unheard a scream
I agree with those who found it dark, deep and/or layered. It is all of these.